You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.

I dont know what came up to me to write down about this. I think i have to let it out one way or another. Cos if i dont, i think i will explode. I dont know in what way. Maybe thru crying or screaming or what stupid things that might be in the way.

Im feeling so empty. Its not like it happened just now but its been there for a very long time. You have no idea how long. I feel like i have no one. Like no friends or best friends or close friends like most of the people around me have. I dont know how to put it. I do have friends, yes. But i dont feel them around me. It like they're there for a while then just *poof*. Ugh! how should i say this?

Umm... oke.. the friends i have..mostly guys, my sisters, cousins, my sec sch girls and thats it. The people that often ask me out is only my younger sis who doesnt stay with us n my cousins. And the only time they will ask me out is when they have no one to go out with and then they will call me out. Like a last resort thing. Some are busy with ther BFs and ex BFs. And its also hard when majority of my friends are guys. And u know guys..they usual go out in a group of guys kinda thing. U know like the boys day out kinda stuff. So it'll be awkward if i were to tag along. Cos its something people will call 'extra'. The girls from my sec sch, we only go out when we have to do stuff like go apply for sch, buy uniforms and go for event we have to work with. My elder sis..she got her friends of her peers so if i were to tag along with them, i'll be labeled as the kid. As my age is around the age of most trendy wankers are.. in their eyes im one of them. They think low of people my age as we are new to stuff. And they are the kinda people who would brag that they've been there done that when they were younger with things that teens now are doing.

Whatever it is, i just wanna say that i have no one to talk to abt the problems i have, the ups and downs im going through, the feelings i have in me and i really want to let it out but no one was ever there. Best friends? i dont have any. Parents? they dont undertand. Sisters? they are busy with their own lives. Cousins? they dont know the real me.

Ugh!! I dont know how i shld describe the feelings i had for years. There's too much to say. All i do is cry all night thinking about my life and pray everynight on my bed before i go to sleep hoping the one above could actually help me with my life and calm me down.

I think nobody is even bother to read this anyway... I should just stop here.

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Shouts!